Sério: os avisos de spoiler que vão à merda, porque eu preciso ligar o capslock e o negrito para fazer uma das revelações mais bizarras do ano: O HOMEM-ARANHA MATOU A MARY JANE COM SEU ESPERMA RADIOATIVO!

Pelo menos, foi assim que Kaare Andrews definiu fazer na mini-série Spider-man: Reign, que mostra um futuro alternativo para o herói, vendida pelo departamento de marketing da Marvel como o ‘cavaleiro das trevas’ do aracnídeo. Com a terceira edição (de quatro) publicada, ninguém ainda entendeu onde a comparação encontra justificativa:

I’m very surprised that I’ve not seen more online outrage about the reveal, this issue, of what killed Mary Jane: Spider-Man’s cum. And for all of you who think I’m joking, here’s the dialogue from the book itself: “Oh God, I’m sorry! The doctors didn’t understand how it happened! How you had been poisoned by radioactivity! How your body slowly became riddled with cancer! I did. I was… I am filled with radioactive blood. And not just blood. Every fluid. Touching me… loving me… Loving me killed you!”

Seriously, Marvel, WHAT THE FUCK? At what point did Spider-Man having radioactive sperm ever seem like a good idea? At what point did anyone even think about Spider-Man having radioactive sperm? Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this ever saw print, I cannot believe that no-one at Marvel thought that having a comic where Spider-Man tells the corpse of his wife - because, yeah, I meant to say that, he’s talking to the corpse of his dead wife - that he killed her with his special radioactive spider-spunk was ANYTHING that should ever be allowed to appear in a comic. And that’s before you even get to the continuation of his admission: “Like a spider, crawling up inside your body and laying a thousand eggs of cancer… I killed you.”

Eu sou fã do traço versátil do Andrews, mas essa aí foi a melhor piada sexual sobre super-heróis desde que inventaram aquela da Lois Lane não aguentar até o final do ato com o Azulão.

Essa não vai ficar legal no currículo.

Via Journalista.